You’re Kidding, Right? – Right?
Attention Everyone – Please stay still I’ve lost a contact.
Customer Service – May I help you?
Blind Dates – Just say no.
Unbridled Joy – Dance like no one is watching.
Foot-lock – Don’t try this at home.
If You Need Me – I’ll be in the can.
Time Warp – It’s just a jump to the left, and a step to the riiiiiiight.
Oh Crap – It is quite evident at this point that I am totally screwed.
They All Float – Down here.
Sky Diving – No matter how high you jump from, it’s always the last half-inch that will hurt the most.
Family – The more we are together, the more sure I am that I am adopted.
They Say I Have Adhd – But I think… Oh, look! A bunny!
Your Childhood – Has just been ruined forever.
I’VE BEEN THERE – The next morning can sometimes be a shocker.
E-HARMONY – 6 Million Couples & Counting
Stop Clubbing, Baby Seals – Once again, punctuation makes all the difference.
DEPRESSED OWL SAYS – WHOOOOOOOOOOO Gives a s**t.
Petting Zoos – You, cheeto fingers one more time.
Fortune – Luck is my middle name. Mind you, my first one is Bad.
Depression – There are some things even fish can’t fix.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE – The power of stupid people… In large groups.
DEPRESSION – I wanted to be a Kodiak Bear Ten feet tall… a half ton of savage splendor…. Not something that looks like a Beanie
Ball Buster – The real deal!
Overconfidence – This is going to end in disaster, and you have no one to blame but yourself.
Squirrel Marines – What has science done?