Grand Theft – Give a man a gun, and he’ll rob a bank, give a man a bank, and he’ll rob the world.
What The Difference – Between a golf ball and a G-Spot? A man will look for a golf ball.
Happily Ever After – On quiet nights, when I’m alone, I like to run my wedding video backwards just to see myself walk out of the
THE VOICES – Hey, I’m convinced … Ten out of the nine voices in my head tell me that I’m perfectly sane!
Hemorrhoids – It’s easier to smile even if you’re hurting inside, than to explain to the world why you’re sad.
Think Hard – Was I supposed to cook her dinner tonight, or lay around drinking beer?
Despair: Is when you know the greatest feat you’ll ever accomplish Is stepping aside and letting someone else achieve your goal
God Is Cruel Enough: To take away our past happiness and leave us with memories, so that we can remember what we shall never ever
Introspection: I hold a couple of grudges, could have had a couple of touches, If I hadn’t had a couple of crutches.
Experience: A learning experience is one of those things that says, You know that thing you just did? don’t do that Douglas Adams
ALABAMA GRADUATION DAY: When you can finally count your tooth, without using your fingers.