Triumph – The greater the accomplishment, the more likely people aren’t going to believe you did it.
Internet – After a lonely day with his favorite “site” Steve’s room looks pretty messy.
Sidewalk Art – When genius only needs to last til the next rain shower.
Secrets – You may run or hide forever, but can you defy yourself from your lie forever …?
A Short Bedtime Story – The End.
If Life Gives You Melons – you might be dyslexic.
Dreamers – I wasn’t looking for prince charming, just someone I can be myself with.
Ever Find That Perfect Sleeping Position? Me neither.
Fire Safety – Recent fire safety commercials say that I should know my escape plan backwards, out hell the get, job done.
The U.S. Navy – Is the envy of every other Navy in the world. They don’t want to be like us – they want to
Futile – Death sits in the chair across from me and watches. Death sees but has no eyes. Death knows but has no mind. We
Divorce – Hurts the kids the most.
Heroes Don’t Die – They multiply.
Remember – The night we made love for an hour and ten minutes honey? That was the night we set the clocks ahead dear.
Old Age – Don’t worry about tomorrow, you’ve got enough to worry about today.
Bandwagon – Selecting all the wrong weapons because you didn’t actually read the book.
How Did This Become – Aids and Crack and Techno???
Social Media – We get it. You’re trying to help while the rest of us are watching. Welcome to a kind of famous.
Flying High – Although it was an absolutely perfect day for the casual balloon enthusiast, things went completely ape-sh*t for the casual mescaline enthusiast.
An Optimist – Invented the airplane, a pessimist invented the parachute.
Boredom – I should never have killed that mouse so quickly.
Thwarted – By a piece of cheap plastic. Am I really from the same species as Einstein, Tesla and Newton?
You Feel – Closest to Heaven when you climb a mountain. And closest to Hell as you fall back down.
On Your Death Bed – Be sure to greet death with a smile this is to show him you lived a great life and have
Meat – If it walks, crawls, swims, or flies and it’s dumber, slower, or tastes better than me, pass the salt.
Drummers – What do call someone who hangs out with a band? A drummer. But what do call someone who hangs out with a drummer?