Control – If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough.
Face Palm – Not quite how the rest of us do it, but… Suzy’s method is freaking awesome!
Freedom – I live the way I choose. My life is mine to live, and I apologize to no one.
Monday Has Been Cancelled – Due to a lack of interest.
Physics – The science where you use extremely long and complicated formulas to explain why a ball rolls.
Antibiotics – No matter what you’ve got, your Doctor will give you these.
Tomorrow – The best time to do everything you had planned for today.
Kissing – Uptown shopping for downtown business.
No Parking Zone – I’m sorry sir, you’re illegaly parked in a no parking area, I’m going to have to write you a ticket. Have
The Cat – Its eyes are windows to your soul and it can see your aura, It knows when you’re happy, troubled or hungry, when
Got Laid – You get what you deserve.
Customer Service – Is alive and well in Europe.
Dyslexia – It’s a bit*h.
Frowning – It takes less muscles to smile than it does to frown. But I think I’ll keep frowning… I need the exercise.
Silicon Valley – There’s more than one in California.
Pushover – No matter how old you are, no matter how bas-a** you think you are, if a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone,
Confessions – Actually, he’s not that bad… Actually, I’m not that good…
Mommy – Why does daddy want a time machine and a condom for the father’s day?
Getting Drunk – Does not count as foreplay …
Personality Disorder – If has to happen, I hope the one behind to be the dominant.
Confession – Father… I’ve sinned, I’ve tricked a jew… My son, that isn’t a sin, it’s a miracle…
Criminals – Break the rules one stinking time and they never ever let you forget it.
I Don’t Always Sleep With Married Women – But when I do, I prefer your wife. Stay thirsty, my friends.
Shortcuts – You might not always get there faster but sometimes a well planned shortcut can make your journey just a little bit more enjoyable.
Commando – No underwear is not always an acceptable shortcut to happiness.
There Is -No Bit*h on Earth like a mother frightened for her kids.