Bowl Of Soup – Life is like a bowl of soup, If you’re hot you’ll get blown.
Chicken? – No that is a lie, we taste like poop.
Fire Alarm – When it starts popping, time to get hopping.
Money And Women – You can lose money chasing women, You can never lose women chasing money!
Second Thoughts – There is no place for them here or anywhere else in life. Go big or die trying.
Dear Life – When I said “can my day get any worse?” It was rhetorical question not a challenge.
Young And Old – You say I have daddy issues, but I’m not the one sleeping with someone my daughters age.
Screw This – I am going to run for public office.
US Army Rangers – When they absolutely positively have to die overnight .
Staring Contest – You Know Who Will Win.
Wazup – Dude, Call me later, my mums just being awkward!
If You Try Sometimes – You just might find you get what you need.
Wisdom – You get wisdom from experience, you get experience from bad judgement, this man will be very wise very soon.
People – “To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.” (Douglas Adams)
Publicity – Before jumping in and doing the good thing… Make sure that everyone’s watching.
Decency – Because getting up and walking away would offend his feelings…
Bacon – A synonym for happiness.
It’s Beginning – To look a lot like Christmas.
Confucius Says – I’d tap that.
20 Years Ago – We had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have no jobs, no cash and no hope.
Diet – The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.
Relief – It is not good to hold it all in…. Just pick your time and place and let it out… You’ll feel yourself rising…
Flirting – It’s called flirting when you’re in a relationship. But it’s being called being friendly when you’re single.
The Gift Of Giving – I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give
2 X 12’S – The silent hero in the war on terror.
Pain Is Natures Way Of Saying Don’t Do It – Painkillers are man’s way of saying just watch me.