Sorry Paris – But the dog is my b**ch now!
Inferiority Complex – No one can make you feel inferior without your consent… You pathetic submissive losers
New Reality Show – How I Really Met Your Mother.
Some People – Need a high five … in the face … with a chair.
If Guns Kill People – Do pencils misspell words?
Body Building Conundrum – So, what do you think, a chick on steroids or a drag queen.
The Eternal Dilemma – Too tired to stay up, yet too awake to fall asleep.
Natural Selection – The reason why women’s buttocks are of a greater size than men’s is that the anvil must always be bigger than the
Men – They just don’t take”Restraining Order” for an answer.
Gravity Never Loses – The best you can hope for is a draw.
Dreamers – What life runs on.
Chance – You have a better chance of dying on the way to buying a lottery ticket, than you have of winning.
Blessed – One of these women has been blessed with natural beauty and talent. The other one is wearing black.
Famous Quotes – A true friend will stab you in the front – Oscar Wilde
Spare The Rod Spoil The Child – Now Billy might be getting more rod than he bargained for.
It’s True – Women live longer then men… Especially widows.
You Have Now Seen – Frank Sinatra leaving a helicopter with cocktail in hand, this may be a good time for you to purchase a
Grave Robbing – Just like a treasure hunt, but with all the good spots marked.
Marriage – Is like fortress under siege. Those from outside are trying to get in, and those from inside are trying to get out…
Telepathy – I am reading your mind right now… Your are not thinking about my smile.
Sometimes – I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to
Consideration – If you aren’t prepared to accept the advice of others, be prepared for them to take matters into their own hands.
I’m A Loner – I don’t have a gigantic group of friends. People don’t miss me. I’m never the first person anyone looks for in
Never Fly – Wearing anything you wouldn’t want to hike in.
Misadventure – Next time you see someone wearing an eye-patch, ask them if it was all fun and games up to that point.
Skid Marks – They are hard to see when you are sitting on them.