THE HORSE WHISPERER – Whispers
DARWIN’S THEORY – About to be proven once again.
BE YOURSELF – DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING SING LIKE NO ONE IS LISTENING.
A NAGGING WIFE – Means that she still cares. It is when she gives you the silent treatment that she is plotting your gruesome murder.
IT’S SIMPLE – Have a car as your Facebook profile picture, I am going to assume you love cars. Have a s**tty Facebook profile picture,
PAULA DEEN – I sell diabetes and diabetes accessories.
YOU ARE NOT FAT – You’re just a little short for your weight …
SILENCE IS GOLDEN – This better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL, SPEAK NO EVIL – Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but, unlike charity, it should end there.
JUNK IN THE TRUNK – Looks more like an episode of Hoarders to me …
WHEN I AM BORED – I send a text to a random number saying, ” I hid the body … Now what ? “
DUCK FACE – Who’s really looking anyway?
Fruits – Mostly good, but the bad ones are terrible.
BEHAVE – We upgraded from rulers.
WAKING UP – Sometimes I go back to sleep hoping for a nice dream so I wake back up in a better mood.
BETTY WHITE – Laughs at the thought of Chuck Norris.
COINCIDENCE OR CONSPIRACY – License and registration sir. Do you have any idea of why I pulled you over today ?
Navy Seals – Dana Perrino (Fox News) in an interview with a NAVY SEAL discussing all the countries he had been sent to: “Did you
Reincarnation – Yeah, that seems more plausible.
YES, I ACCEPT YOUR OFFERING! Hurry Up And Toss The Tasty Morsel Into My Lair
IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK… – And the correct answers are: Spine, Lither, Ginger, and Subtext What were you thinking??
PROOF THAT SATAN IS A GINGER – Need I say it more clearly?
First – Senior moment
EVERYDAY NINJAS – “Let’s get that appendix out.”
MISSED YOUR LATTE TODAY? – These folks didn’t have a house. Get over yourself.
Your Best Friend – Maybe one day you’ll forget him, but he’ll never forget you.