English Literature – I’m sure my college professor said we were studying irony. But my husband said no, it was ironing.
Insignificant – I may not seem like much to the outside observer, but to people who know me well I seem like even less.
The Only Thing Worse – Than a captain who never flew as a co-pilot, Is a co-pilot who once was a captain.
Approval Caring Whether Others Approve Of You – Is just as smart as waiting to see whether the train can stop in time.
Concrete In January – Go ahead. You sit on it with a straight face.
Alien Abduction In Progress
ALCOHOL – Drink until she’s cute, stop before the wedding.
ENTITLEMENT – Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living The world owes you nothing, It was here first.
COURAGE – Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. -Ambrose Redmoon-
TEAMWORK – If you’re not the leader The view never changes.
Nestea – Like Coke, but with more cleavage.
DEPRESSED OWL SAYS – WHOOOOOOOOOOO Gives a s**t.
RELIGION – God made me an atheist. Who are you to question his wisdom?
KIDS ARE LIKE FARTS – Your own are okay, but other peoples stink …
Forever – It’s how long you’ll have a crying indian boy on your arm.
Ninja – What!? Where?
OH MY GOSH – Those plants really need to be watered!
Yes Son – Those are definitely the droids we’re looking for.
Dress Code – Sorry ladies, those tops don’t match your bottoms. I’m afraid you’ll have to take them off.
THE FRIEND ZONE – By the time you prove you’re everything she’s looking for you will already be in it.
Ah, Christmas – Some kids have figured it out…
Everything I Could Never Tell You – I love you Of all the lies you told me, this is my favorite.
One Last Drink – And the whole evening changes
College Life – Memories are great..Until you send your daughter to school.
POPEYE THE SAILOR MOON – That is just sick and wrong.
1911 – Faster and more reliable than calling 911.