Oh My God
Gold Watch – Diamond ring, I ain’t missing not a single thing.
And Last But Not Least – Please sing this one for Iceman.
Online Dating – You won’t need it if you have the right profile.
Whale Watcher – Step aside Moby. A greater catch approaches.
W.T.F. – Oh look a headless Woman.
If You Don’t Eat Your Meat – You can’t have any pudding.
Americans Ethnocentrism – And we wonder why the rest of the world hate us.
Rack Space – They really are a bunch of servers stacked one on top of the other.
Traffic Jams – Some days, I feel the DoT is intentionally screwing with me…
If Hitchcock Needs Me – I’ll be in my trailer.
If I Could – Take it all back I wouldn’t.
Dull – To look on the bright side, there has to be a bright side to look on.
Discretion – Not his superpower.
Depressed – Is it any comfort to you that your misery is someone Else’s joy? Didn’t think so.
Conviction – I can’t believe that cop put me in the backseat, when I clearly called shotgun.
Perspective – Behind every great woman is a guy staring at her ass.
Temptations – You know you want to…
Obdurate – Women don’t let such things as common sense ruin their argument.
Skill – It takes a special kind of talent to fail this hard.
Happiness Is The Best Revenge – Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone enjoying their life.
Filters – Because some search results are not safe for work.
Neighbors – Wait till you see what the one to your south did to your wife who was parking her car on his lawn.
Morning – Has broken like the first morning.
Britain’s Got Talent – It would be worth watching if these two were the judges.
Would You Like A Table? – No, I Reserved The Carpet For 3 Already… Dumbass.