Alimony – The high cost of leaving.
Soccer Technique – It is not that Americans don’t get it. We are just uncomfortable watching it.
Spider-Man – Looks like the only thing he has been fighting lately is the urge to get off the couch.
Giving Opinions – Is like a bad habit, you know you shouldn’t but you just really want to.
The Strolling Bones – Old is temporary, but ugly is forever.
Friendship – Is like artificial fruit. It’s beautiful, until you put the bite on it.
Swearing – You never really do it right until you learn to drive.
Rules Of Engagement The TV show the drone pilot is watching on his other monitor.
Psychology – I was recently asked if I had any psychological problems? I replied, ” No I divorced her 12 years ago. “
I Like Walking In The Rain – No One Can See Me Cry.
I Have The Body Of A God – Or at least a fat and happy Buddha …
Bravery – The coward may live to see another day, but the hero….. The hero lives on in the hearts of the people he saved.
Alien Abduction – Brain suck replaces anal probe.
Happy Meal New Gift – Free colonoscopy. I’m lovin it.
Hammy – It’s a short way from rap sheep to rap she**.
Diplomacy – The ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they actually look forward to the trip.
Baby With A Shotgun – Just try to take my candy dirt bag.
It’s So Simple – If love means never having to say you’re sorry, and divorce can be caused by never saying you’re sorry, then that
David Lee Roth -Spoken like a true ambassador of the 80’s.
Australia – Some of the reason why I am proud to be an Australian this Australian day…
Tombstone Moments – Sometimes begin with a whisper.
Think Outside The Box – So I can finish my nap.
Chicks Like This …are always the ones who complain there are no real men left.
Facebook – Time consuming.
Feelings – Need no words to be expressed.
People Who Tell Me – To live life to the fullest, have obviously never seen my paycheck.