Futile – Death sits in the chair across from me and watches. Death sees but has no eyes. Death knows but has no mind. We
Divorce – Hurts the kids the most.
Heroes Don’t Die – They multiply.
Remember – The night we made love for an hour and ten minutes honey? That was the night we set the clocks ahead dear.
Old Age – Don’t worry about tomorrow, you’ve got enough to worry about today.
Bandwagon – Selecting all the wrong weapons because you didn’t actually read the book.
How Did This Become – Aids and Crack and Techno???
Social Media – We get it. You’re trying to help while the rest of us are watching. Welcome to a kind of famous.
Flying High – Although it was an absolutely perfect day for the casual balloon enthusiast, things went completely ape-sh*t for the casual mescaline enthusiast.
An Optimist – Invented the airplane, a pessimist invented the parachute.
Boredom – I should never have killed that mouse so quickly.
Thwarted – By a piece of cheap plastic. Am I really from the same species as Einstein, Tesla and Newton?
You Feel – Closest to Heaven when you climb a mountain. And closest to Hell as you fall back down.
On Your Death Bed – Be sure to greet death with a smile this is to show him you lived a great life and have
Meat – If it walks, crawls, swims, or flies and it’s dumber, slower, or tastes better than me, pass the salt.
Drummers – What do call someone who hangs out with a band? A drummer. But what do call someone who hangs out with a drummer?
These Are Not – The droids you are looking for… Move along…
Damn Stupid – Are not those who have no knowledge, but those who are not able to understand…
Good To Know – Signage of the obvious.
Mumbai Graduation Prank – None will be become NFL or NCAA football coaches.
Sudoku – For when you’re bored of life and are pretty much just waiting for the end.
Memories – We told him the hallucinations would be better if he licked the frog “down there”. Now we all have flashbacks.
Confidence – If you are going to act, act boldly. It makes your failure that much more spectacular.
Cheerleaders – The only reason you would ever pay to see any sport.
Therapy – It’s not always caused by your parents.
Is There Life On Mars? – If there is then they can’t be males, or they’d have just drawn b**bies.