Life Is Like Pool – I don’t have a pool.
Unfortunately – My daydreams about being skinny are always interrupted by the sound of my own chewing.
Red October – Honey, is it that time of the month again?
In Hell – No one can hear you dream.
Proof Of Moon Landing – Finally, quantitative proof that we landed on the moon.
Midget Kiss – Same outfits, same songs, same style, Just half the price!
Father To Son – When my father died I cried and I cried for what I’d lost so deep inside I hold each day my
Boys – Spend their time finding a girl to sleep with. Man – Spend their time looking for one worth waking up to.
Suicide Bomber Instructor Say – Now pay attention! I’m only going to show this once!
Listen Mister – It’s, “A bird in hand is worth two in the bush…” not, “A bird in your bush is better than using both
Speed Is Life – Altitude is life insurance.
Birthday – A day like any other day, ruined by friends or relatives.
20x More Important Than Breathing – Bo**ies.
Brain – He has a memory and he won’t hesitate to use it.
Break Dancing – Not just for people.
Love Is Blind – But marriage is a real eye-opener.
Time – In your bed, It’s 6am, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, It’s 7:45. At school It’s 12:30, you close your eyes for
The Internet – The good, the bad and the edible.
Lost Luggage – I can’t find my luggage, can you help me? I’ll try. Have you first verified that your flight has arrived? Huh?!?
Impatient Chick – Once they crack, they take off…
If Everyone – Jumped off a cliff, I would too. Their pile of bodies would break my fall.
Gothic Cowgirl – There is no way of doing it right.
Relationships Are Like Glass – Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken, than to hurt yourself putting it back together.
Wisdom – A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her
Incommensurate – Sure, he may only fly a desk these days but he hasn’t lost any of his killer instinct. They say the Staples delivery
Fishing Rules – Bait your own hook. Clean your own fish. Tell your own lies.