If You Don’t Eat Your Meat – You can’t have any pudding.
Americans Ethnocentrism – And we wonder why the rest of the world hate us.
Rack Space – They really are a bunch of servers stacked one on top of the other.
Traffic Jams – Some days, I feel the DoT is intentionally screwing with me…
If Hitchcock Needs Me – I’ll be in my trailer.
If I Could – Take it all back I wouldn’t.
Dull – To look on the bright side, there has to be a bright side to look on.
Discretion – Not his superpower.
Depressed – Is it any comfort to you that your misery is someone Else’s joy? Didn’t think so.
Conviction – I can’t believe that cop put me in the backseat, when I clearly called shotgun.
Perspective – Behind every great woman is a guy staring at her ass.
Temptations – You know you want to…
Obdurate – Women don’t let such things as common sense ruin their argument.
Skill – It takes a special kind of talent to fail this hard.
Happiness Is The Best Revenge – Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone enjoying their life.
Filters – Because some search results are not safe for work.
Neighbors – Wait till you see what the one to your south did to your wife who was parking her car on his lawn.
Morning – Has broken like the first morning.
Britain’s Got Talent – It would be worth watching if these two were the judges.
Would You Like A Table? – No, I Reserved The Carpet For 3 Already… Dumbass.
Social Work – A salary waiting to be increased.
Divorce Can’t Be All Bad – They have a cake for it!
Shadows – Reveal what the mind wants but what the body is too afraid to show.
Your Job – Is to kill the other person before they kill you, so our national leaders can negotiate a peace that will last as
If You Want Somebody -Who’s loving, beautiful, smart and wealthy… Watch a movie!
Irony – Fighting for peace is like fu**ing for virginity.