War – No poor dumb bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard
The Tiny Black Ninja – Watch out I go kung fu on yo a*s… I kills you!!!
I Have Noticed – Everyone who is for abortion has already been born.
Relationships – There’s no such thing as people changing… you only get to know them better.
Proverb – Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don’t.
Recycling – I pooped…and I ate it. (just makes ya feel proud)
Clean Energy – Runs on hay and water. Droppings still an issue.
Balls – If you had them you would have enlisted.
No Your Face Is Beautiful – But I think you should really consider double bagging that personality.
Generations – What happened?
Beautiful Skin – I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want – an adorable pancreas?
Hand Washing – A wise man washes his hands after he pees. A wiser man doesn’t pee on his hands.
No More – I looked out this morning and the sun was gone, Turned on some music to start my day, I lost myself in a
Heroes – Is credit always given where credit is due? No
Kids Today – Will never know what one of these is.
Love – Love is when there is only one cookie left, And you don’t even put up a fight.
My Daughter Asked How Puppies Were Made – After beating around the bush, and 30 minutes of creative avoidance, she may have walked away with the
Vintage – Presently, we own the fastest computers and wear the most fashionable clothes.
Let’s Forget About That Fish, Kid. – Yesterday is History. Tomorrow is a Mystery. Today is a Gift. This is why it is called Present.
Therapy Helps – But screaming obscenities is faster, cheaper and more satisfying …
Quality Control – Tells you how it is.
The Internet – It doesn’t make people smarter. It just spreads stupidity faster.
Women – Do you know that awesome moment when you finally understand women? Yeah, me neither.
Tongue Skills – Yours might not get you into college, but they sure will get you through it.
Catholic Condoms – In case the picture of Jesus on the nightstand doesn’t break the deal.
A Faithful Friend – Is Always Better Any Treasure of the World … … So Never Let Go Of Them.