When I Was A Kid – And wanted to be older, I never expected this.
Flat Tire – Why worry, when the airbags are just fine…
Sleeping Disorder – I’ve got this terrible sleeping disorder Where I have to wake up every morning and do work.
Do You Have The Skills – To be a Bouncer? 1. Act like a di*k 2. Stand by a door
Bitter Sweet – Getting friend zoned… With Benefits.
All You Need Is Love – All you want is s*x, Al you have is po*n
Let It End – Most people want a happy ending. I just want the happiness to begin.
Ride Your Bike – Cars run on gas and make you fat, bikes run on fat and saves money.
The Spocks Of Arkansas – Willard and Lamar. Family motto: Live long and perspire.
Bittersweet – Running into a wall with an erection and breaking your nose
Wet T-Shirt Contest – You lose.
Compromise – Lowering my standards so you can meet them.
Dignity – No matter how far in you put your head, you won’t find it there.
Life – I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
There Are – Very few issues that a good sword fight can’t settle.
Multitasking – It’s not that men can’t do two things at once, It’s just that we like to appreciate things one at a time.
Cafeteria Conduct – No pushing, playing or loud talk permitted in line.
Positions – Man Is considered the master, but he’s more like the slave.
Delta Force – People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough man stand ready to do violence on their behalf. – George
Why Be Difficult – When with a bit of effort you can be impossible.
I Told The Doctor – That I broke my leg in 2 places. He told me to stop visiting those places.
My Philosophy – To be known as that “lucky bastard”
Marriage – Published statistics show that 4,153,237 people got marriage last year. Shouldn’t that be an even number?
Come To Think Of It – I haven’t been nailed in awhile.
He Who Thinks That Love Can Be Bought Has never had a dog in his house.
Teleport – I guess they haven’t perfected the technology yet.