Imminent Failure – By the time you get that oh sh** feeling, it’s already too late.
Oh Yeah? – Well you again would be like signing back up for dial-up internet.
Lost And Found – Sometimes getting lost in the moment, is the fastest way to finding yourself. But a GPS usually works just as well.
Deception – Beware anyone praising work, they usually have plans for you.
The Talk – Son, you’re all grown up now, I think it’s time we talk about these things that happen between boys and girls… Sure,
Cooking Avoidance – Lesson One.
Reading And Driving At The Same Time … Why Blondes shouldn’t be allowed to have A license.
Trust Issues – I’m not saying I have trust issues… …Because you’ll just tell everybody.
Heroism – I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.
Boredom – Sometimes even the most intense jobs really aren’t all that interesting.
Break Ups – Dumping someone is always hard. Unless it’s in the ocean.
Everyone Dies – Not everyone lives.
Composition – That’s a funny name for boobs.
Hemorrhoids – It’s easier to smile even if you’re hurting inside, than to explain to the world why you’re sad.
Clarity – The moment you realize she’ll end up looking like her mother.
Citizens – Should not fear their government, this will be enforced.
Resurrection – You can put truth in a grave, but it won’t stay there.
Love – When you can’t tell your farts from her anymore.
Work From Home – The illusion that watching adult material all day will get junior into college.
Rationalism – Whether you’re giving up or pushing forward to reach your goal. It doesn’t matter, you’ll reach the same dead end.
Old Age – Is like flying through a storm, once you’re aboard, there’s nothing you can do.
Internet – Professional single-arm training, since 1993.
Childhood Fears – It wasn’t that I was afraid of going to sleep, It was that I was afraid of never waking up again.
Think Hard – Was I supposed to cook her dinner tonight, or lay around drinking beer?
I Love You, But… I’m not in love with you.
I Bought You – These things that you don’t need, with money we don’t have, so you can impress people you don’t even like.