Grand Theft – Give a man a gun, and he’ll rob a bank, give a man a bank, and he’ll rob the world.
Woman Wisdom – How to get rid of your husband on weekends.
What The Difference – Between a golf ball and a G-Spot? A man will look for a golf ball.
Fighting Like A Girl – Is actually a good thing.
Balance – The power of a woman is her charm, the charm of a man is his power.
Happily Ever After – On quiet nights, when I’m alone, I like to run my wedding video backwards just to see myself walk out of the
Discretion – Not his superpower.
THE VOICES – Hey, I’m convinced … Ten out of the nine voices in my head tell me that I’m perfectly sane!
Alien Abduction In Progress
Truth Or Dare – Pretty darn close.
Hemorrhoids – It’s easier to smile even if you’re hurting inside, than to explain to the world why you’re sad.
Think Hard – Was I supposed to cook her dinner tonight, or lay around drinking beer?
Bittersweet – Running into a wall with an erection and breaking your nose
Sun Tanning – He’s done it wrong.
Falrlgalghlawi – Grahrehseuheuhgrl
Women – They’re good for 70 things: sandwich and 69.
Wrong – The action in which you are trying to perform, is being done incorrectly.
Mirror High Five – It’s liking your own status.
I Have – The weirdest boner right now.
My Beard Is A Cat – Your argument is invalid.
Despair: Is when you know the greatest feat you’ll ever accomplish Is stepping aside and letting someone else achieve your goal
Coolness – Yeah, you’re cool… but are you 4-popped-collars cool?
God Is Cruel Enough: To take away our past happiness and leave us with memories, so that we can remember what we shall never ever
Introspection: I hold a couple of grudges, could have had a couple of touches, If I hadn’t had a couple of crutches.
Experience: A learning experience is one of those things that says, You know that thing you just did? don’t do that Douglas Adams
ALABAMA GRADUATION DAY: When you can finally count your tooth, without using your fingers.